1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
