even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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