Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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