I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
