I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
