I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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