Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
