Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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