I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
