I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
