What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
