Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
