It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
