another moral hangover. fuck.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
