wanna go halves on a baby?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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