I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
