FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
