Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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