just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
