found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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