the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize