Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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