Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
