Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
