Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
