Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
True strength comes from lack of pants
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm having to shit out rocks
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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