Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
