Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
