I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
