I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
