im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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