I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
