I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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