I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
