I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
