So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
