look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
