Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
