party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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