you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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