I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
