i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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