i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i believe in u and ur pee
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