Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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