so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
