Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
