how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
