i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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