Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
