Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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