well I can't set my house on fire every night
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
