I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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