Kiss
Puke
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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