just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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