It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
