It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
why is half of my head shaved?
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