I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
