If i come over, it means nothing
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
