You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize