According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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You. Win. At. Life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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