wakey wakey hands off snakey
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
