I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
