it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
