you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
