i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
