so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
