remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
