I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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